Today I did something that past-me never would have done…
I uploaded a video to YouTube, where my belly makes quite the appearance.
I don’t ever put much thought into my outfits, and I just bought these new, comfy, amazing pants that I wanted to wear, which I paired with one of my favourite crops.
This meant a bit of skin was on display. And then once I started moving around, a lot more skin.
This is something today-me did do… She didn’t care.
I’ve been thinking lately about my body. It’s had a rough ride. Haven’t they all? But the strange this is, I’m definitely the heaviest I’ve ever been (although I don’t get on the scales, I can just tell) yet I’m also the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my skin.
I love that meme, where it says; I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat. Ha! How I wasted my skinny days wanting to be thinner!
If I could swallow a magic pill and transform into Elle Macpherson circa 1999 (jeez, circa now probably!) I would. But no magic pill exists and instead I have the body I’m in.
A body that likes wine and chocolate and must have a biscuit with every cup of tea.
Maybe some folks back home will look at this video and say; “Hmm, Hanna’s put on a bit of weight.”
Maybe I have.
But what about the weight that I’ve lost?
The weight of trying to be a certain size. To look a certain way.
The weight of worrying about how other people see me. Of what they think. I’ve lost this weight.
I’ve completely lost the weight of caring if my stomach is sticking out. Because that same stomach is strong. Underneath those rolls is a core that lets me stand on my head and hold plank for a really long time (if I wanted to). I work on my core so I have a strong back, and good posture, not because I care if my skin offends you.
Those hips that have a bit of extra meat on them are super flexible, and the shoulders that have thickened out are helping me practice handstands.
The butt is perkier. All those warrior poses have paid off.
Sometimes I wish my rolls wouldn’t go over my yoga pants, but to be honest, I don’t really care.
One day I’ll tell you about the version of me that never would’ve said this stuff, and never would have put that video on YouTube. That’s a hell of a story and imperative to why I came to yoga in the first place, but for now, the celebration.
Of not giving a fuck that I don’t have a 15-year-old body. I don’t want one! This body is strong, and flexible, and likes chocolate and wine a little too much. But it’s mine, and I love it for all the things it CAN do.
How much weight could you lose?